matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
