Heybabeimwearingurpanties
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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