I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i think my mom watched the whole time
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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