But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
