I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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