the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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