My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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