Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
