dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
