Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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