and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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