He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
