Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize