if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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