I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
