I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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