Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
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