Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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