Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I need to calm my uterus...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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