Barsexuality is the new black.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
