So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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