Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
