sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
This house was built for laser tag.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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