More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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