I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
