He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
