Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
