I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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