Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
