now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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