he puts the penis in happiness.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
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It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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