we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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