he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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