omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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