sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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