Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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