My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
