Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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