I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
