He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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