I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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