Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
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They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
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smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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