I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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