i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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