There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.