On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
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How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
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She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK