First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
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i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He felt like a one man threesome
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
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"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.