wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.