True but thats because hes a fetus.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
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Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
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I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.