The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.