You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
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Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
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No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.