I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
