I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
