that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
