its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
