You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I wish there were birth control emojis
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Randomize
