what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
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