I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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