omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
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I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
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There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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