: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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