do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You were trust falling into bushes
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
