that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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