In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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