I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
