As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
