So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
