So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
