just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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