so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
